Something’s, I will never get over with!

I felt it again, the same feelings which I felt around 7 years back, when I had to leave everything I knew in my life behind and had to step out in to the open world on my own – yes, I am talking about the time when I graduated. I saw the same sequence of events happening all over again, even though the environment and the people were totally different. It was as though history was repeating itself all over again.

Since I work in a university, I got the privilege of being part of a student club. Last weekend, it was their big annual event and as a club member, I also decided to do my part by helping them out. At first, I was a bit irritated due to the fact that I will loose a hard earned weekend and also I had to get up early (believe me, I cant remember the last time I did that). But it turned out to be way better than what I expected.

I got the opportunity of being in the middle of a bunch of highly motivated undergrad students who are organizing an event. Any one who had organized an event in their school/college days knows how it feels like. It’s too damn hectic and tiring at the time of the event. You have to run around fixing stuff, manage others, and no matter how good the planning is, things go haywire all the time.  But after the event, when you look back, you get the satisfaction of a great achievement. And you feel more bonded with your teammates.

All these totally reminded me of the events I had been part of organizing, during my undergrad days. Even though I didn’t do much this time, I got a feel of it. It was a kind of Déjà vu for me. The people who did marketing/publicity reminded me of those times when we went around looking for sponsors or travelled far and wide with the posters of the events. I could correlate almost anything I saw there to my college days, like the registration team or the participation in the events or rushing with a last minute change or people sleeping in the organizing area who were tired to death. I even witnessed people having crushes on others.

But the moment that inspired me to write this blog happened after the event. When it was only the club members, the juniors decided to give going away presents to the graduating students from the club. There was this very friendly girl among them who got totally surprised by this and as I expected, got emotionally overwhelmed. Tears started flowing from her eyes. The gift only made things worse. It was a collage with all those great moments with her friends. Gosh, that’s when I went back to the time when we all sang ‘Kabhi Alvida na Kehana (never say goodbye)’. I wanted to pass on to her something a very good friend of mine told me precisely at the time when I was feeling really depressed about leaving college. “Don’t be sad that it’s over, be happy that it has happened.” But then I thought it’s better to let her figure it out on her own. Besides, I am never good with words at moments like these.

I do wonder sometimes, why do we need “goodbyes” and “thank you”s? I feel it too formal. For me, the best thing to do is to just walk away. No “goodbyes”, no “see you”s; just like you are coming back the next day. We don’t say goodbye at the end of a typical day. People say “One must move on when its time to move on”. There are times when I think I have moved on from a lot of things. But moments like these prove me wrong, that no matter what, I won’t be able to get over with some things, that even now, I look back in time and long to relive those crazy & nostalgic moments of my life.

I flied!

“Einstein was right. Time is relative to the observer. When you're looking down the barrel of a gun, time slows down, your whole life flashes by, heartbreak and scars. Stay with it, and you could live a lifetime in that split second.” - Max Payne

It was then I understood what Max Payne meant when he said the above sentence. It was 1 am, and I was staring at the grass. It seemed like the time was standing still, just like we see in movies. I could hear my heart beating. Thud, thud, thud… I looked to my sides. I saw my friends talking and screaming. But I couldn’t place anything they say. Our pilot was asking me to take a look at the view. I tried, but all I could think of was the green lawn. I felt like its staring at me. Things flashed in front of my eyes. But all I remember now is the sound of my heart beating. It was fast and heavy. I felt its going to explode. I wish for it to be a dream. After all, I was hanging upside down at around the height of a 4 storied building, from a pod with 3 of my other friends. There was a seat in which I was sitting at the beginning, but when we reached the top, the only thing which was holding us were the seat belts. Since we were hanging down, all we could see when we looked straight was the lawn, long down.

We were in the Giant Swing in River Side, Clarke Quay, Singapore. It was the birthday treat of one of my friends and the program was spontaneous. We had a great dinner and some cocktails and were relaxing at the River Side steps. That’s when the idea came to our mind, let’s do something crazy. There was a Reverse Bungee and Giant Swing. Since the bungee tend to turn around a lot and a lot speedier and we had a nice dinner, we settled for the Giant Swing since none of were in a mood to puke on such a nice day. I really regret not having my camera that day. Still I managed to get some images from net which I have posted at the end of this post. It is a pod attached to a swing where 5 people can sit, the only thing is that, its huge, ‘cos when you are held just b4 its released (at the highest point), it’s around the height of a 4-5 storied building.

Suddenly I heard someone screaming my name. “Are you there?” I looked to the side. It was my friend who was piloting the pod. When we reach the highest point, we could stay there for anytime we want and the ‘pilot’ had to press a button under the seat to release the swing. “Shall we press the button?” she was asking. I wanted to get this over with somehow. We all screamed “yeah!”

She pressed the button. The world stood still for a moment. Then it turned to move fast, way too faster than anything I have felt before. I felt the weightlessness of a freely falling body. For a split second, I thought I was going to ‘touch down’ soon. I tightened my grip on the frame of the pod. I didn’t want to close my eyes. But I did it for a moment just before reaching the lowest point. I closed my eyes.

When I opened it, I was flying. Flying very fast towards the sky. I started liking it. I wanted to move faster. But the speed reduced and reduced and we reached the topmost point when the pod stood still again for a moment. I could see the whole Singapore in night lights from that point. It was beautiful.

I realized I was silent till then. The only one thing the person who fastened out seat belts told us was we were allowed to scream. But I had forgotten that. Then again the pod started its journey back. We all screamed at the top of our sound. “We are flyyyyyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing, woooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooowwwwwwww!!!!”

We were swinging back and forth. It continued for some more time. But it was the starting swing which took our breath away. What else can I say, by the time we had to get out from it, I was in love ‘adventure’. All of us wanted to get more of it. But then again, we were not rich enough, at least at this point in life. The feeling was awesome. Wind gushing to your face and you moving so fast without any obstructions. I had heard that the original bungee jumping is really an experience and New Zealand is famous for that. If I decided anything when I was flying, it was this. Some day, I will go to New Zealand and do the original bungee where you jump from top of a bridge between 2 mountains to a river. Hope that day will come soon. Till then, I think I have to settle down for the adventures in Singapore.

Reverse Bungee - The towers near it is the giant swing

Another view

Once in a while…

There were times when I dreamed about spending my life with someone I really felt like spending my life with. I don’t know when, but somewhere along my life, I realized it’s just another dream. And I thought it will exist only in my dreams or in my imagination, where I meet a true friend, who understand the real me, even better than I know myself, with whom, I could be the real me.
Life started becoming silent. Time seemed to stand still. No matter how hard I searched, I couldn’t find a reason to move on. I had everything I wanted. I couldn’t even find any dreams or hopes about future. Too much silence in my life, and even in the middle of a concert, I felt alone. Life is ironic. You don’t get what you want when you want. There was a million times when I longed for a friend, with whom I could be comfortable by being silent. And when I expected a lot and nothing came along the way, I got accustomed. Hope had no place in my life, not anymore.
And suddenly one day, I noticed my life changing. I didn’t know what the reason was, but things began making more sense. Even the wind or the trees began making sense. I started noticing flowers. I had no idea, what was happening. I simply sensed some change, or I felt life’s getting exciting. I liked walking alone in the rain. I longed to be in solitude, the same loneliness that I hated the most about my life. Even songs started making sense to me. World started becoming more and more colorful for me.
It was her. I met her at the coffee house. First I felt she was too noisy, she was talking all along. I wanted to get rid of her so that I could finish reading my book. But, she came to me and asked, “Beautiful book, can I have a look?” I was a bit surprised. No one asked me anything anymore. The next day I went to the coffee house at the same time to get my book back, she was there. We talked for some time. I went back home. The next day, she wanted some help with her work, and we did it together. I felt good. The next day, I got there early, she was there, and we spent a lot of time together. I sensed that she was able to read my mind or she said the things I wanted to say. She felt it too. By the time I was about to leave, she hugged me and told me she liked me and I am like an angel to her. I hugged her back. I didn’t know what to say. She looked like she was glowing and she was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen.
I had this feeling that I was at the tip of a mountain, so tall, even taller than the clouds, where I always wanted to be, but the weird part of it, I knew that I was about to fall. No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t get rid of that feeling. I wanted to get more time with her. I took off from my work the next day and I waited there for her. She didn’t come. I was sad, but somehow I expected this would happen. I didn’t know how to contact her. All I knew was her name. I was there at the coffee shop every day, waiting for her. But she never came.
My life had changed forever. I wrote to one of my close friends,
“Dear friend,
You know me long enough to know that I was always too choosy about friends. You used to tell me that someday, I will come across a person, a person who simply walks in to my life from somewhere, who will turn my world around. Yeah, that happened to me. It was good, better than anything I have ever known. But, she just walked away, leaving behind her footprints. No good bye’s, no see ya’s, she simply walked away. Now the only thing left for me is hope, a hope that someday I will get to see her, and if I am lucky, I get to spend some time with her, even If I know for sure that I will never be able to even hear about her. Why are all these things happening to me?”
His reply contained only one sentence, “Life is tough, my friend”.

Back to College Days: Trip to Melaka, Malaysia

I was going nuts trying to crack my wireless protocols assignment when that mail popped up in my maibox. “Trip to Melaka, Organized by NUS”, anyone interested? I believe in a principle which goes like, “Never say No to friends”. That’s how it all began.
Day: February 28, 2009, Saturday
Time: 0630

No no, its not the time when I woke up to study, but it was the time we gathered in front of the sports hall (our gathering point) to start our trip. I had no idea what to expect or what exactly is this trip about and what is there is Melaka. For me, it’s all about spending time with my friends and taking a break from my hectic schedule. So I didn’t have any expectation about my first international trip except that I knew there will be one more county’s stamp in my passport. But it turned out to be one of the most memorable days in my life and I went through a lot of feelings I thought was lost forever - the feelings and colors of college days - it felt like being back in my undergrad days.

Just like a dream!

A beautiful Chinese Letter carved in a rock in a temple. I have no idea what this means!

Old drawings in the wall of a temple

Our lunch and dinner was fabulous.

There are 2 things I like for a meal.
1. A delicious meal, as usual
2. A good company to start digging in to the task
And this was one of those rare occasions when I had both. For both lunch and dinner, there were around 7-9 dishes, with chicken, crab, prawns, fish, shark, vegetables (I didn’t concentrate in this area much), and dessert. Also, I think they were authentic Malay dishes, but since all of us were Indians, we had not much choice to get clear idea about the names of the dishes. Even if there were some means to get to know the names of the dishes, I seriously doubt we would have done that, ‘cos we were all very busy ‘fighting’ across the table that there was no time to talk.

A busy Melakan Street.

Since the city is kind of an old city, the streets are narrow. The buildings were painted really colorfully and you don’t get the feeling of a city.

In front of the Church of Christ

Who we are? (Click on the photo to read)

From Right
My House Owner : Aniket (My Housemate and a very dear friend)
My Financer : Ashwin (Friends for past 9 years)
Would be Dr. : Karthik (A new guy I met on the trip day, doing PhD in NUS)
Possible Roommate : Sampath (A possible future roommate)
Shashi Sir : Robin (A great friend who is my current roommate)
From Singapore : Girish (He is from Singapore itself)
Classified : Classified (;))
The Trouble Maker : Srijith (Karakku company)
Me : Me (You put your definition in the comment section)

A busy day in the Museum

Stairs to the courtyard or heaven?

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Melakan Street: A view from the Top

An Ancient church in Melaka

This church - I think the name is St. Francis Chruch - is located on top of a small hill from where you get a really gorgeous view. It really was fun and soothing being there, enjoying the wind, and the songs of the native singers and there were several artists doing live drawing/paintings.

The Native Singers

A View from the Church

Tea Time: A Coffee shop in Melaka

Yeah, The Trouble Makers

No intro needed I guess. We went around looking for a coffee shop and had some fun and got lost from the group. We had to roam around for a while to find the group. Since it was another country, our mobiles didn’t work, we went back to the place where we started and the group was gone. Our choices were to go back to Singapore on our own - The Red Bus - or to go to the police station and ask for help. Before choosing from the above options, we asked some of the pedestrians for their mobile and called one of our friends and somehow got back to bus. And we heard some ‘sweet’ words from the ‘nice’ people who were waiting for us. The poor tour guide went around looking for us and came back exhausted to report he couldn’t find us, and we were there. Since he was a very good person, he didn’t tell us anything.

The End: The GSS group from NUS

I would like to thank all of my friends and whoever else who made that trip possible, because of whom I had one of the most memorable days in my life.
More Photos @ http://picasaweb.google.com/gssmalacca/TripToMelakaMalaysiaFromGSSNUSByManuIgnatius?#

ps: There are a lot more things I would love to write about this trip, but I am too sleepy now. Also, this was supposed to be a cultural trip.

Farewell Bangalore

Dear Bangalore,
I still remember the day I first set my sight on you. Little did I know that you will play a crucial role in my life. It was in 2002, during my engineering days. I was on my 5th semester tour. I can still feel the cold climate and the smell of the fresh flowers. Those big shopping malls, the pubs and the ultra modern folks (chics) here instantly made you one of my dream cities. All those stories about software professionals making a nice living here, oh! man, I had decided that you are the one city I want to be in.

Fall 2003
I came again for the 7th semester tour and by that time me and my friends wanted to spend some quality time here with you and that’s one main reason we chose to do our final year project here. Those were the days, when I started loving you – fall 2003. I think I loved everything about you. The New Year (2004) celebrations in Brigade road – I don’t think I will ever forget it. Even I loved the journeys to and from my native to you.

Again
Again, you crossed path with my life even if not for long in spring 2005 in when I started ‘hunting’ for a job. But fortunately or unfortunately, I got my job in Trivandrum. Then again, I knew that someday I am going to come back to you. And that’s why, when I got an offer from here, I was really excited. But before coming here, I heard many rumors about the pathetic traffic conditions, the slowly disappearing cold climate etc.

Expectations
What I expected was not what I saw in here. A city which is so polluted with dust and garbage, roads filled with vehicles and dogs, malls and shop keepers who wanted to grab the money in my pocket to theirs, auto rickshaw drivers who will kill if they get a chance etc. I really got scared at first seeing the changed you and because of the change in climatic conditions, I was having fever, cold etc on a regular basis. I even thought about leaving you. My regular readers are aware of my attitude towards you, I guess.

Time is a healer
Getting used to things we confront daily is a quality (good or bad?) of the human race. Slowly I started liking you. One important thing I like about you is the personal space you gave me. Also the technological community here and the exposure I got from you were simply amazing. I realized there is a world like this. It totally changed my outlook towards life itself. I had a very good team and work environment, a new circle of friends, lots of parties to attend, all those nice hotels where I could try different variety of dishes, the beautiful climate which helped me maximizing my artistic talents and so on.

Farewell
Finally the time has come for me to move on. In this journey of life, I have reached a point where I have to part with you, my beautiful friend. I have no idea what is there in store for me in the future. May be I will fall in love with the next city I am moving to. May be I am never going to come back to you. But looking back now, I can see vividly, the influence you have in my life. With so many challenges, experiences, happy times, sad times, you have a very special place in my heart. And that place will ever be there, no matter where I go or what I become. I really hope I will be able to come back some day to you and I know, if that day comes, you will be here with your warm welcome, just like you welcome anyone who comes to you. Farewell Bangalore.

With warm love and regards
- Manu

Vanilla Sky

It started with a video. One of my friends sends me the link to Tom Cruise’s 25th anniversary celebration site. There they have put a video featuring all his films. It is a really good video. I had already watched most of the movies in that video. Since I like him very much as an actor, I wanted to watch the rest of the movies too. I collected of them from my friends.

During my movie marathon, around 2 weeks back, I watched the movie Vanilla Sky. I had seen only the rating of the movie and didn’t know the theme of it. Naturally, I expected a good movie, but I was getting bored while the movie was progressing. By the time I was through with the movie, I found myself wanting to watch the end of the movie again and again. The soundtracks are also amazing.

The movie name is taken from a painting called Vanilla Sky by Claude Monet which is also shown in the movie. After I finished the movie, I searched for the painting in the net. Just like the movie, at first look, I didn’t find the painting that interesting. But after spending some time studying it, I found out that I am in love with the painting. May be it’s the theme of the movie or the mood of the name ‘Vanilla Sky’ that accelerated my feeling. I don’t know the technical terms used by artists, but the dreamy look of the painting, the serene buildings near the bank of the river and the vanilla colored sky, they all really caught me.

That’s when I decided to try that painting myself. I didn’t want to duplicate it just like that. I wanted to add some more color to it. And the result is here.

Do not compare both of the paintings as they cannot be compared. There are many faults like the sky is not really vanilla in color, the ratio of the sky and the land is not correct, the reflection of the trees is pathetic, the level of details of the buildings in my painting is almost zero and so on. But after finishing the painting, I felt satisfied, may be the satisfaction of creation, something like what they call “feels like God”. Even if its in paper or canvas, I could create or destroy worlds and life like that way I want to and that thought made me proud. I am not the one to judge this painting, but I think its not that bad of a beginner (my first acrylic in canvas). Now its all left to you readers, awaiting your comments.

More

http://www.masterpiece-paintings-gallery.com/monet-seine-argent.htm

http://picasaweb.google.com/manuignatius

10th Wedding anniversary

I was floating through the skies when I saw it. A rainbow. There was nothing else in sight. A bright rainbow in the whole sky. I looked down. I could only see the clouds. It slowly changed in to something more beautiful. A pair of eyes. They looked very familiar. I’ve seen them else where. I began drifting in the wind. But I wanted to stay with those eyes. I felt like they are telling me something. Suddenly the wind turned in to a storm. I could no longer fly. I was falling.
I opened my eyes. Yes! I figured it out correctly. Those eyes were that of my lover. She was sleeping peacefully right by my side. I tried to remember the dream. That beautiful rainbow and the clouds that turned in to her eyes. Nice way to start off a day. I simply lied there for some more time looking in to her face. Everyday I want to wake up seeing those eyes.
Slowly I got up. I went to kitchen, made 2 cups of coffee and came back to our room. She was not in the bed. I saw the doors to the balcony open. I went there. Sun was just rising. There she was, standing and enjoying the breeze. The view was gorgeous. I could hear the river flowing. And far away, there are the mountains.
I went there, kissed her on her neck.
“I love you”, she said.
I didn’t hear the words. Instead, I felt it. I was not sure whether she said it or I felt it from her face. I gave her the coffee. We simply stood there.
We didn’t talk for a long time. It was the silence that spoke for us. When she leaned to my chest, I could hear her breathing. I always loved the sound of her breathing. When she fall asleep in my lap hearing the stories I say for her, when I wake up in the middle of the night right beside her, and in the morning, when I wake up early, all these times, I enjoy that sound. Sometimes I felt that it’s my life force that is flowing through her body.
Ten years, its been ten years since the day we met. Now, I couldn’t even imagine surviving without her. It’s the small things, her sound, her smell, her presence, everything had become mine, my life. Without them, there is no me.
We spent the whole morning, sitting in the balcony, watching the river, the sky, the sun and everything else.
Every year, 4 days we will spend just for us – we had promised each others, when we got married. Some place where no one can reach us, no one will identify us, just like in dreams, living the dream.
After lunch, we again went to the balcony with the books we were reading. Soon, the sky began to get darker. Rain – it was about it rain. We closed our books. We could hear thunder. We could see the rain coming from the mountains. We heard it coming nearer and nearer. It sounded like wind chimes. We both wanted to dance in the rain. For the next 1-2hours, we went back to our school days. We made small streams of water and build a small dam across it. We made paper boats. They floated in to the river and slowly disappeared.
By the evening, there were only drizzles. We bathed, had a cup of coffee and went out to walk in the near by plantation. We could hear the sound of the frogs. Even for a moment, we didn’t part from each others. We held our hands tightly. Crazy it may sounds, but we were enjoying solitude in each others presence. We wanted that moment to last forever.
We came back, and I presented her with the red rose I secretly kept in my bag for her. “I love you”, I said. I could see her chins turning red. She hugged me tightly. I wanted to stay like that forever.
We went back to the balcony with a bottle of wine. She lighted a candle and we sat there enjoying the wine. After dinner, she came to me, lied down in my laps. I told her the story of the princess who got imprisoned by a witch and the prince who rescued her. She fell asleep soon. I enjoyed her breathing sound for some time. I put off the candle and accompanied her to bed.

Our 10th Wedding anniversary
31 June, 2020

My Best Friend’s Wedding

Day I [Before he came]

It was with a bit of amazement that I took his call. He is one of my best friends. We stayed together for around 7yrs, throughout college days and even after getting a job until he left to US. It’s very unusual for him to call me at this time of the day. Anyway, I had a hint that he might be coming home for vacation.

“Yeah, tell me da”, I said.

“I’m coming next month”, came the answer.

My assumption was correct. He actually is coming.

“How long?”

“4 weeks”

Wow, great, I thought. My mind started planning. I highlighted 4 weeks in my calendar.

“I marked the dates, so what plans?”

“Its my marriage”

“What?, you are kidding right?”

“Nope”

“Holy mother of f***ing ****, congrats man!”, I had a hunch that it might happen within 1-2 yrs. But never did I thought this fast. I was surprised.

I have to apply for leave, have to book the tickets to my native. My mind was racing about the ‘TODO’s.

“Ok man, see ya soon. Mail me the details later”, I cut the call.

Then again, I thought about our times together. He is a friend with whom I didn’t have to talk much. Just silence is enough. When I had difficult times, I used to start my days by crying on his shoulders. I suddenly missed him and those days. Even I felt jealously towards his girlfriend. She is also a good friend of mine. I wrote a mail congratulating them.

I couldn’t get exactly what my feeling was. Happiness? Jealousy? Missing Him?

Day II [Before his marriage]

“Hey da, tell me. How are the preps for your marriage? Only 3 more days na? I can’t wait to get there. What are our plans for the bachelor’s party? What do I need to bring from here?” I couldn’t stop asking questions. There were many more. I wanted to be with him as soon as possible.

Tomorrow, I can go tomorrow, I thought.

“Hey man, listen. There has been a problem.”

“Problem? What problem?”

“The function has been postponed”

“What? What happened?” I didn’t know what to tell him or ask him. We both were not that good with words.

“One of my relatives passed away. So we thought we will do it some other time.”

“Oh! Ok. So, what are you going to do this weekend?, I’ll be coming anyway. We can have some fun.” I proposed.

“Nothing specific”, he said.

“Wait, I’ll cancel my tickets, you come here. Just like the old times. There won’t be any of our friends here in Bangalore, ‘cos everyone is going to Kerala to attend your marriage. So, its just you and me.”

“Done”

“See ya on Sunday”, I said.

Day III [Marriage Day]

“Hey man, here I am”, he said.

“Congrats, today is your marriage day right?”

“Yeah! Ha ha”

We had breakfast, went to some shopping malls. We walked and talked like there is no tomorrow. We had his ‘marriage’ lunch from a Italian restaurant. I pretended to be his bride. ;) There was slight drizzling by that time. We enjoyed it. By evening, we bought some wine and a variety of non-veg dishes and went home. Just sat there, had some wine, beer & vodka and watched TV. And he celebrated his ‘supposed to be’ first night in my apartment alone ;).

The next day I took off from my office and we roamed around, bought whatever we felt like buying, did whatever we felt like doing and by evening, we were so tired that, I couldn’t even climb 2 steps to a restaurant . He extended his stay for one more day. Next day evening, by the time he had to board the bus, we both became silent again. I saw him off, walked slowly back to my apartment.

If his marriage had not been postponed, we could never have those moments. “Marriage can happen anytime, but times like this come once in your life”. For the next one week, I was completely in the old times. Those 2-3 days were one of the best in my life.

The Story of a Young Man

I am going to write a story I know for some time. Remember the rules of a story “No Questions!”. Once up on a time, there lived a boy. He loved his parents very much and they were his world. They were friends. He respected his teachers and loved his friends and no one had a bad comment about him. He excelled in his studies too. Everyone treated him with respect.

He grew up and became a handsome young man. After his studies he got a well paid job in a far away city. He was lucky that he got a job he always wanted. He loved his job. He dedicated his life for the job except for the time he spent for his parents. He always tried to keep in touch with his parents, visit them at least once in 2 months or so. He was happy, doing what he likes to do. He believed there is nothing more to this world that makes his life more perfect.

On one such day, after work, while he was walking to his apartment that he saw her. The first thing that he noticed was her smile. Something specific about it, it struck him. The next day, he left office at the same time and saw her again. That day, he told his friends about her. One of his friends knew her. He filled him up with the details. She was from the neighboring country working in a flower shop next to the young man’s office.

The next day, he went there, bought some flowers and put them at his desk. It was then that she noticed him. She noticed a glare in his eyes. A special ‘something’ that she had never seen in any where else. Slowly it began. He became a regular customer of that shop. They became friends and gradually they fell in love. Day by day, it became sure to him that she is the one person to be in his life, the one who will make his life complete.

No one knew about their relationship. He wanted his parents to be the first to know about her. He wanted to surprise them. He flew home. He was very excited about telling this to his parents. He came home, told everything. He expected them to be happy for him. Instead he saw them crying for the first time in his life. They couldn’t accept it. He never thought that petty things like, language, color or religion to be a reason.

Soon the sadness turned in to anger. His parents began trying their best to make him decide against her. He was broke. He flew back to his work. She was waiting for him in the airport. Seeing her smile, he felt relaxed. He couldn’t tell her what happened. He had promised her that he will come back to take her back to his home place.

He lied to her. He told that his parents agreed. He lost focus in everything, even his work. The only place he found solace was with her. There he was just that energetic young man. She didn’t suspect anything. Soon she moved in with him.

In the mean time, his parents were busy looking for a match for him. They somehow wanted him to forget that girl. They called him more often, he didn’t talk much, but he was cautious not to hurt them. His parents didn’t tell him about their plans for him. For them, he will agree anything they say and they believed its their duty to take a decision for his good future.

Months passed by, she had a baby girl, he was happy, now he thought he has enough courage to tell his parents about everything and he was sure that they will agree to this relation and will accept her as their daughter. He flew home again.

He reached home to see all the decorations in front of his house. His parents were surprised and at the same time, happy to see him. They were about to call him to come home for his marriage.

Everything was set in place. Everyone was invited. There were only 2 more days left for the marriage. He tried to tell his parents what he came for. No one listened to him. He begged his parents for a private talk. They agreed, he told this marriage will never happen no matter what, he still love the other girl. His parents showed him a bottle of poison and told him, he can choose between them and the girl.

He didn’t know what to do. The whole night he stayed awake. His tension soon turned in to revenge. He agreed for the marriage. He acted cool and happy. He had a plan in his mind. The marriage happened. The couple flew back the day of the marriage itself. He rented a new house.

The next day he went for work. He came back home late. Everyday this happened. The bride became extremely sad. But nothing changed. The girl whom he loved didn’t know about this either. He managed to convince everyone that he is busy with his work.

The bride soon became suspicious. She found out about the girl soon. She was broke. She called her folks. They became angry. They came to the city where he worked, brought them both back his house. They talked, the bride wanted divorce, he was only happy to agree to that. His parents became angry, they contacted the girl, told her about his marriage and cursed her. She was broke. She refused to see him afterwards.

He lost everything. He lost his love, his child, his parents. He hated his home place, the city he worked and even his work. Everyone hated him, his friends, colleagues, even strangers who heard this story. One day he fled. No one knows where he is now.

Why do people have to marry?

Why do people have to marry? When you read that question, most of you may be thinking what a stupid question that is. I don’t mean it in the general sense. It’s just that there are many friends of mine, especially woman friends, some of my very best friends, now they are all getting married. I am happy for that. But the feeling of loosing them through marriage is not that good. Some times we have to let things go, no matter how much you love or care for it. Still why is it like that? When things get too formal, or too serious, I don’t know, I don’t feel its too good. Van Wilder, the legend [a movie character I like very much] says, never take life too seriously, 'cos you will never get out of it, alive. May be its the social and cultural set up in India only. In western countries, people find their spouses on their own and then they don’t have to compromise on many things. Here everything is based on adjustments. It has its positive and negative side. I am not bothered about it. Let the things be like what they are. The only thing I am really sad about is that, after marriage, in 90% of the cases, people act like they have all the responsibility and never seems to get time for anything. Why is that? Sure you have to care for families and all. But I don’t know how to explain my feeling, now a days, when I hear any of my best friends, girls, are going to get married [unless its a love marriage] I get sad. Of course I am happy for them for getting in to their dream lives, but the feeling I get always is that I am going to miss them or more like, loose them. [In the case of love marriages, the feeling is different. I am not explaining it. Hope you understand.] We will never be the same again. I don’t know what happens to the "We all have to move on" theory, I really wonder why, why do you have to move on when you don’t like it. :( hmm.. I admit there are many things I don’t understand. Just writing some of my thoughts. And I don’t intend to make this a big debate or anything like that.

- Manu

A Butterfly Life

Have you ever heard of the concept of ‘Butterfly life’? I’ve seen it in a movie some years back. I forgot the name of the movie. But it really touched me. That movie is basically a narration. The narrator always carries a stop watch with him. Some times he clicks it. His lover once asks him why he is carrying it always. Then he replies, “ I am adding these moments to my butterfly life. Let me explain. Have you ever noticed butterflies? How beautiful they are? How lovely and happy they appear always? Ever wondered about how long they live? After coming out from the cocoon, some of their life span is only around one day. In that one day, they do everything. They drink honey, fly and play a lot, fall in love, mate with their partners, reproduce, enjoy their life, do everything they can do in one day and go to a peaceful sleep by the end of the day. A sleep from which they will never wake up. Yet they enjoy their entire life, our single day, or 24 hours. They take the maximum out of it. With no complains, no worries, they spent their whole life happily. We, the humans, our life span is around 70-80years. Yet how many years, months, days and hours we waste worrying or planning over the silly things which may mean nothing to us in the end. So whenever I think I am spending my time truly happy, like a butterfly, I click this stop watch to add the time to my share of butterfly life”

Saying this he checked his watch and said “I have lived over 19 hours of butterfly life in the last 30 years since I have started this”

This touched me deeply. That was one of the situations, I really thought about how I spend the time of my one typical day. One day mean nothing to us, most of the days we spend meaningless doing nothing of much importance, without even realizing the value of the time we ware wasting. Only when I heard this that I realized the value of each moment in our life and wondered how precious moments can be. Later there should be no regrets. Because I have read this some where,

“Dream what you want to dream
Go where you want to go
Be what you want to be
Because you’ve only one life
And one chance to do all the
Thing you want to do”

ps: What I have described here may not be exactly same as in the movie [the dialogue], but the sum and substance is the same.